So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
