Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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