Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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