Your dad touched me again.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
