If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
