Michael Bay diarrhea
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
