I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
