best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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