I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
