So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
