that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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