i just wanna soil my oats bro
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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