Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
