She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
