I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
