I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
