i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
