yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you never un-have a 4some
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
