Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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