I CAN MOONWALK!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
