Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's shark week go big or go home
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
