i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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