I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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