chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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