I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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