guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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