rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
