and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize