under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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