this beer tastes like vomit already
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
