the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
