I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
