When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
