The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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