OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
