My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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