guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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