I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
