she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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