just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
As shirtless as possible
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
