shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
