i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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