I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
