did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Come share oat with me in your robe
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I supernannyed him into submission
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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