My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
