I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
