I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
