We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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