on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
