omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
