How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
