I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
