I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
