My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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