she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There's even glitter on my cock...
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