Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you traded sex for a burrito?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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