You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
