How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
