Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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