I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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