whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
