We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
