Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize