So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
