I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
