remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
